Diary of a seed(7/11/2017)

Dear diary,

it has been a very long time, duties here and there as not really giving enough time to communicate with you, but i do really miss you. Let me hide something about myself in you, because today marks the particular day it all started.

Growing up came with tons of experiences; the good, bad and ugly. Lots of waters have gone underneath the bridge,activities fading into memories but one plagues on. It just might not be the exact same Armageddon we share but I believe -hell is hell-.

You see!Of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, my version would be; of the plenty I feed my soul, my life plays out. One of the data I fed myself was actually fleeing sexual lust (especially with the social and religious stigma attached to it) but get sexual pleasure by TOUCHING MYSELF; this l learnt form rubbing minds with peers who at that time were no better. Trust, it felt good and if you wouldn’t be deceiving yourself, you know exactly what I mean. This spanned for years, I became the perfect exemplary having my secret and pleasure embedded in the deepest chamber of my heart’s closet. Although I always went back to seek forgiveness and promise not to venture into it but these promises were short lived as the thought of playing it safe and getting pleased flooded my memory repeatedly. I became a king at it.

My supposedly perfectly hidden skeleton could no longer remain within the confine of my heart as God decided to come visiting and asked me that one question that was even from the beginning; “WHERE ARE YOU?” . By nature I did that which was embedded in my DNA, hid and wrap myself with figs, otherwise known as being busy. It took His divine grace and wisdom that taught me:

  • To tender myself bruised rather than flee flawed.
  • He is the All Knowing; seek His forgiveness in place of playing the fair card.
  • Sin isn’t the best option for my life for as simple as what I did looked, a lot was a stake to be lost.
  • That if I don’t stand for something, I would fall for everything.

I am not promoting continuality of sin mixed with abrupt repentances, what I am saying is that I would rather bask in God’s presence as He continues to strengthen me.

I am yet but surely heading towards perfection. I am a Work-in-Progress. I AM A SEED. catch ya later still then stay safe.

your Love

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